October 30, 2012

Take a picture, it'll last longer.

It was quite awhile ago when I said that I was starting to feel better and I would be posting again soon. Oh how things quickly change. I now live on the west coast, am in my 17th week of pregnancy #4, and do not feel much better, to be honest.
I really wasn't feeling like blogging. I've been frustrated because my card reader doesn't work with our laptop and we got rid of our desktop in the move. So I've been unable to upload photos taken with my good camera which means I haven't taken many photos with my good camera which makes me much less likely to blog. Who likes a blog with no pictures?
However, this blog is really supposed to be for me. Well, for me and for my family. A way to record what's been going on so that we don't forget. So although I don't feel at my best right now, I kow it's still important to write things down, even the seemingly mundane.
This photo reminded me of how important that is. You see, I had only been in San Diego for a few days and my parent's boxes of family photos were pretty much screaming my name. Photos are one of my most valued treasures. I settled in with the first box and found photos from my oldest daughters 2nd birthday. A birthday that I have no photos of. I was not only thrilled to see that the day had been captured on film but also felt surprised and confused to see my brother in the photos. I had completely forgotten that he had been there!
My biggest shock came as I flipped to the next series of photos and saw my oldest sitting in the toilet at my parents house. An event that I do not remember at all. Not even after seeing the photos! I was seriously sitting there gawking at these pictures and wondering what the whole scene was about. I thought that maybe my parents had staged the whole thing! Then I saw myself in one of the pictures and I did a total double take. I was so completely confused.
Then I thought about how lucky I was that my parents had recorded these moments. Moments I had completely forgotten. It made me wonder how much of my life has been lost forever. It's a bit scary to me. So I wanted to take a moment to share my experience. Take note of life's little moments. Don't let them simply pass you by. It doesn't take long to take a photo or write something down but if you don't take the time to do it you may end up losing it forever.

Make each day count.

July 9, 2012

Here, kinda

I've been absent from blogging for quite awhile now and I hate that. Truth is I've just been having a hard time. I've finally decided to start back up on Zoloft for my depression because it has just gotten out of control. I feel no desire to do anything, ever. I don't have any real interest in life at all lately and I've had to force myself to do anything that requires getting out of bed or off the couch. Bed is the worst though. I could really just sleep all day, every day. I hate it so much. I've been feeling like the worst mom in the world. I've been a terrible friend. I am so, so tired of every day being such a struggle.
Last week I had a horrible anxiety attack and was so worked up I could barely breathe. I realized that my depression was out of control again and I knew it was time to talk to my doctor about it. I have been putting it off, knowing I should do it but also being in denial. I had been doing pretty well for quite some time. There was a good two year period where I didn't need the medication. Over the last year and a half though, I have been getting progressively worse.
So I'm hoping that one more week on Zoloft will bring a marked improvement and that I will once again be able to cope with life. It's been one week on the meds so far and I feel no real improvement so hopefully it just needs more time. I hope to be back to enjoying life and blogging about it again real soon.

April 21, 2012

Pretty Little Things

Well, as you may know, I wear glasses. Yeah, I'm like, a full-time glasses wearer. This still strikes me as a bit odd for a few reasons. I guess mainly because when I was a kid I didn't know many kids who wore glasses. The kids who did wear glasses were considered nerdy. There were no cool glasses back then. They all just sucked ass pretty much and now those same sucky glasses are back in style. It's funny. I mean, really funny.

Here's the thing you might not know about me. I love fashion. I love weird fashion. I love ironic, hipster fashion. I love vintage fashion. I just think clothing and accessories can be so much fun! You wouldn't know it by looking at me most of the time because-- a.) I do not have money to buy stuff that I want to buy. I basically have to live off of cheap t-shirts and hand me down jeans (yes, it's sad, but I'm still wearing hand me downs) and  b.) accessories, well, you can pretty much forget about it! My accessories consist of thick rubber bands to pull my hair up into a messy bun (every. single. day.), a bunch of random jewelry that I inherited from my Grandmere, some bangle and jelly bracelets I got for super cheap clearance, and a few other items that were purchased for me as gifts. I really don't often have the money to buy these types of things for myself. I'm doing good just to keep myself clothed. I'm doing you a big favor there. Trust me.

So I have a love of pretty, fun, colorful things but not many opportunities to express myself in this way. So I was pretty excited when I got the heads up that Coastal Contacts (don't let the name fool you) was offering a free pair of glasses to new customers I was so excited! I ordered my last pair of glasses from one of these inexpensive vision providers and was thrilled with the result. So I'm feeling pretty confident that this company will deliver a great product to me. If you wear glasses and you don't know your prescription info then please call your vision clinic and get the info or make an appointment! I think this offer lasts until April 27th and the code to enter at checkout is FIRSTPAIRFREE.

Here are the frames I ordered:

A cute pair of clear cat eye frames. I've always wanted to try cat eye frames AND I've been wanting to try clear frames, too! Plus, these frames have black arms on the sides and cute little silver heart details at the temple on the front of the frames (a little hard to see in this photo). Perfect for me! :)

I have also been wanting to try some tortoise shell style frames and I like the retro styling of these.

I'm already happy with my black, everyday glasses so if these don't make me happy when I try them on I am really okay with that. I paid $10 altogether for both pairs so it is worth the risk as far as I'm concerned! I'm anxious to get them! I'll be sure to report back with photos and a review.

April 9, 2012

I'm 15...

When it comes to this guy...

I'm 15. I do believe that Jason Segel must be one of the most adorable, laid back, sweet, and funny guys on the planet. I have a seriously giggly schoolgirl crush on him ♥

If I ever meet him and he wants to fool around I will do so because life is too short to let such opportunities pass us by.

Am I right? :)

I'm still here

I'm still here. Yep, sure am! I've been busy and so many things have been pulling me in so many directions and so, once again, blogging has fallen to the wayside.

Eric and I just returned from a trip to San Diego for my cousin's wedding. A wonderful trip that reminded me of how much I love my family, extending out into cousins and second cousins and cousins-in-law and old family friends and so on. My life is good and the people in my life have brought me so much happiness and beautiful memories. Some days I feel so very far away from all that laughter and joy. Those people bring me joy in a way that's hard to describe. It's not necessarily because they are more funny or amazing than anyone else I know but simply because they have been a meaningful part of my life for so long that when I am near them I just feel like I'm home.

I miss them so.

Oh, and I'm really not much afraid to fly any more. So that's a pretty big deal. :) If only I could rid myself of my anticipatory anxiety I would consider myself completely cured! This abolishing of fear has opened up a vast world of travel limited only by finances and, well, as tough as those may be to come by, I know that it is not impossible and I believe that I will one day do things that I never dreamed possible, like visiting foreign countries and seeing more that this beautiful planet has to offer.

Some things I'd love to see one day...

Paris, France


Lake Lucerne, Switzerland



and, of course, Japan

March 5, 2012

Something to discuss

I've been reading some blogs about being a godly wife and all that good stuff and I have found a lot of great tips and advice. Today I was reading about a book called The Good Wife's Guide and this was part of the description of what was in the book:

Here is the type of encouragement you'll find in the book:
  • Take a look in the mirror an hour before your husband comes home to ensure that you are presentable. An hour allows ample time to hop into the shower if need be.
  • Go light on the perfume, but use great smelling soaps, shampoo, and antiperspirant so he’ll want to snuggle up for the evening.
  • If you wear makeup, put a little on before he walks in. Your goal is to look happy and radiant--not done up.
  • Dress in feminine clothing. Men are attracted to women, not fashion, so do your best to wear styles, fabrics and colors that remind him you’re a woman and not another one of the guys. Dress as well for him as you would for new friends.
  • Have all chores done before he walks in the door, and try to have things like the dishwasher and vacuum turned off.
  • Put aside your problems and be cheerful when he walks in the door.
  • Make your bed every morning so he has a comfortable place to rest at night or upon returning from work.
  • Ensure that the television and stereos are turned off so that the house is peaceful.
  • If the kids are excited about something, encourage them to wait about 15 minutes before they share their news.
  • Prepare dinner before he arrives. There’s nothing quite like the smell of home cooking when you walk in the door—especially when you’re cooking the food he likes.
  • Have the pots and pans washed ahead of time so that the kitchen is every bit as presentable as the meal.
  • If you have problems to deal with, wait until after dinner to spring it on him. Husbands are happier when their tummies are full.
  • Greet him at the door with open arms, a kiss, and a warm embrace.
  • Make an effort to look at him when he is speaking so that he has your full attention.
  • Close the computer if you’re on it, and if you’re chatting on the phone try to end the conversation and call her back later.
  • Have the children tidy up the front entrance when they arrive from school. Backpacks, jackets and gym bags make for an untidy greeting.
  • Do your best to have the house clean and organized at all times. He is working hard outside the home and needs home to be his haven of rest.
  • Don’t be angry if he’s working late, instead show appreciation for long hours put in.
  • Have the kids wash their faces, and change their clothing if they are soiled from play before Daddy comes home.
  • Don’t nag him or try to reshape his bad habits. Work on your own and practice acceptance at all times.
  • It is imperative that you defend your husband to your children and that they respect him at all times. Never allow them to grumble or complain about him whether he’s present or not.
  • Don’t compare him to other women’s husbands or to your father when it comes to your definition of a man. Love and respect go a lot farther than criticism ever will.

So I'm just curious as to other people's opinion on all of this. Parts of it make sense and seem like good advice but some of it just feels over the top. Do you think this is asking too much of a woman? Or do you think this makes sense and seems fair? Is there anything that makes you cringe or do you think any of it is unnecessary?

Just wondering :)

January 26, 2012


The girls have been getting along really well lately. It's been so nice to have them being so kind to one another. There is still bickering, of course, but the majority of their days have been spent playing, drawing, laughing together and there have been a fair amount of giggly sleepovers, too.

January 25, 2012

Errand Boy

I admit, my depression has left me in a disheveled state. I have been washing my hair far too infrequently and lazing around in pajamas most days. The only reason I get out of the house is for my kids, mostly. Basically I actually leave the house for the kids but end up gaining so much myself from spending time with other people. The things is, I know that I will feel better once I get dressed and get out of the house but that doesn't seem to be enough to make me actually do it. I had to run some errands today and I almost skipped my outing because I didn't want to get ready but I dealt with it and made myself get out. I took Alex with me and he was so good for me. He really is a sweet boy and even though it made my errands take much longer, I was happy to have him tag along with me.

He literally fell right on his nose almost the minute we walked out the front door because it was slippery and he was running with his hands in his pockets which meant that he had nothing to break his fall. It was so sad. He held it together pretty well but cried a little bit. Once he was in the car he was just fine except that he started to fall asleep immediately. He falls asleep in the car so easily now that he doesn't take naps. I have to be careful about when I take him out and I have to do things to keep him awake like roll down the window for a couple of seconds or talk really loudly. He thinks it's pretty funny. Anyway, he fell on his face again later during our trip! This time he screamed and cried for a good five minutes and I finally got him to calm down when I told him we would be riding the elevator. He loves elevators! So then he was just fine.

He's so darn cute I can hardly stand it and he's started talking sooo much lately! It's so fun to hear him talk in four to five word sentences and it just started so suddenly. I've been trying really hard to remember to talk to him a lot and describe things to him and I've been reading a lot and talking about the books more than before. Sometimes it can be hard to remember to do those things. Sometimes I feel like there is so much talking going on between the girls that I don't remember that he needs more interaction. Sometimes I feel silly talking to him when I don't think he understands but I am learning to do it and it is paying off. Today, on the way home from the grocery store, he was so sleepy and I was trying to keep him awake so I asked him if he wanted macaroni and cheese for dinner. He nodded his head sleepily so I asked him "Do you like macaroni and cheese?" again, he nodded his head very slightly and then he looked up, suddenly, and said loud and clear "Um, I LOVE macaroni and cheese!" And he looked so serious when he was saying it.

Then my heart melted... :)

January 24, 2012

Do Something

A wise friend shared this with me "Don’t do nothing because you can’t do everything. Do something. Anything!" and so I have been trying to do just that. We've been working on school things. Not a lot but something. More than we were doing anyway. Let's just say we had a long winter break. :) But I've been trying to be intentional about doing things with the kids to help grow their minds and it has been paying off. Having something constructive to do has made things much more mellow around here. I have been in a better mood, not a great mood, but a better mood and I'm working on improving that a little every day. Baby steps, right?


January 23, 2012


Last week, Jenna was given some homework to do for Girl Scouts. Each girl was to be assigned a notable female figure to learn about and dress as so that the girls could play a "Guess Who I Am" game. Jenna was assigned Sandra Bullock and I was not satisfied with her spending her time learning about an actress. I mean, I think actors are great and I would have no problem with my children wanting to be an actor. However, I think at this critical time in their lives they are already bombarded with celebrities and pop culture and media and I just would rather that she learn about women who have had a significant and beautiful impact in our world.

So, I asked if we could choose someone else. I just wasn't comfortable with the subject she was given. My guidelines were to choose someone the girls would know. I knew, however, that the majority of children Jenna's age would not know who Sandra Bullock was so I decided to just pick someone that I felt was a good role model for my daughter. I chose Temple Grandin because she not only is an amazing female educator, biochemist, writer, and inventor, but she also has Autism.

Jenna is also on the Autism spectrum and I believe it is important for her to know this and to understand it. I want her to understand why she sometimes struggles to come up with the right words or why she gets anxious when there is too much noise. I think it's okay for her to know that these differences are a part of her but that it's not something that she should be afraid of but rather that she has a different and unique way of learning that is actually really interesting! Temple's mother told her "Be proud you are different!" and I want Jenna to understand that "even if you don't do well in school or have a lot of friends, you can still do many things." (Mary Carpenter, Temple Grandin: My Life in Pictures) Though, we have been blessed that Jenna has not had too much trouble in the friend department.

I think Jenna learned a lot about Temple Grandin and she asked me a lot of questions about Autism and why she struggles with certain things. I am so glad that we were able to learn about her together. I think we'll watch the HBO movie about Temple Grandin together sometime soon.

January 22, 2012


Today Jenna decided to make dinner and dessert for the family on her own. She has been trying to be more helpful because she knows how stressed I have been. I feel bad for showing that side of my feelings sometimes but then other times I think maybe it's good for her to see that sometimes we get overwhelmed. At the very least it has awakened her compassionate side and led her to put forth a helping hand when needed and that is always a good thing.

She made spaghetti which was noodles and sauce with no meat and she made brownies for dessert. We gave her very high praise and she felt very proud of herself. I think we might have to create a cooking night for her with meals she can create on her own. That would be wonderful for me and foster a sense of independence and responsibility for her. She asked me if I was sad that she was growing up and I told her no, just a little sad that she won't ever be a little girl again. Then she gave me a sympathetic look and hugged me tight.

I do so love that girl.

January 21, 2012

Taking care of business

I haven't done much around the house lately. I've managed to keep things running but it seems just barely. I do have the kids help me but sometimes I even get lazy with enforcing that. Lately my life has just completely revolved around caring for the children, worrying about Eric, stressing about money, and generally making mountains out of molehills. The littlest things send me crashing into frustration and drowning in tears. So I have all but abandoned housework, doing only the most necessary things to get by on a daily basis. Okay, honestly, I haven't even done that much. I've pretty much done laundry and had the kids do dishes and picking up. Our home is in a sad state of affairs.
So, today, I have decided to fix that dilemma because, really, who can get anything done when their home is in disorder? Alex is napping and Eric and the girls are at the movie theater so I have made it my mission to get things in order this afternoon. Unfortunately it's a big job and so I won't be able to get it in perfect order (although I don't know if that would be possible regardless of the amount of time I have) but I am planning to at least get it to where I'm not overwhelmed whenever I look around.

My goals for today:
* get things in some semblance of order at home
* fill out my student loan reduced payment paperwork
* crochet 6 rows in the blanket I'm making
* make a plan for school for next week
* make a menu plan for next week

My goals for Sunday:
* Print out any worksheets or other materials needed for school
* Gather any supplies needed for school projects
* vacuum, dust, sweep, and mop the house
* Write out plans for turning the dining room into a school/play/craft room
* Move the bookshelf in from the garage
* Write out a calendar for the week so that appointment and meetings are not forgotten
* crochet 6 rows on the blanket

January 20, 2012

Grown up conversation can change the world

We were invited for a play date to my friend, Trina's, house today. I had no idea so many people were going to show up! The kids had a great time playing with all of their friends (13 kids were there) and I enjoyed my time with four other women who share many of my interests and beliefs but also challenge my beliefs and introduce new interests. This kind of collaboration always stimulates my mind and renews my spirit. We are, all of us, uniquely made and I enjoy celebrating the differences between myself and others in my life. :)
Thank you, Trina, for having us over. It was just what I needed to end a pitifully emotional week.

January 19, 2012

I should really write this stuff down

I don't remember what happened on Thursday. My days seem to be turning into one big blur. Same ol', same ol'... I should probably at least have a little notepad that I can write on for days when I don't find the time to sit down and blog.
I say that, but I betcha it won't happen. ;)

January 18, 2012

Hunker down and cry it out

It's ridiculously cold today. -15 with windchill. We are just cooped up in here and if I didn't have the kids I would probably enjoy it. Hunker down with a good book or some crochet work, watch some movies, drink coffee and hot chocolate, sleep... yeah, lots of sleep would be had. However, I do have kids and they are tired of being cooped up. So instead I just want to cry. I feel like life has just been a big fat whine fest lately and I'm sorry to everyone who has to read my bitter ranting.
In good news, Eric gets his medicine delivered today and so we're hoping it will help him start to feel better. It's the same medicine he has taken for several years and so it might do nothing but I have nothing if not hope... so I hope.

January 17, 2012

Friends and Fairytales

The kids and I went to visit a new friend today. Heather sat and talked to me about gardening and gave me some seeds to work on my own produce garden this summer. The girls, Grace and Abagale, played with the kids and had a good time. Marah and Jenna really liked spending time there and the girls are very sweet.

After our play date we all headed to the library for a workshop about fairy tales. Teressa Wilde read to the kids and then the elements of a fairy tale were discussed. All the kids had the opportunity to write their own fairy tale and the girls really enjoyed it.

Eric had the scope done but nothing was found. The doctor basically recommended that he cut out dairy for a week to see if things improve. I'm really disappointed by the lack of results and I feel like the doctor didn't even really try to figure anything out. A whole week of wait and see which means 2 weeks of no working. This is really hard on us and I'm having a really hard time not falling into a deeply depressed state. It's so frustrating after the high I felt when Eric got this new job. One week of work, one week of feeling like things were getting better, then this happens and I just don't know how to deal with it.

January 16, 2012

Still Sick

Eric is still sick. It's just so hard to deal with. Got the results of his tests back today. Appears to be a flare up so he will be going in for a small scope tomorrow. I just want them to find the problem and treat it. :(

January 15, 2012

4-H Project Expo

Jenna had her first project fair for 4-H last weekend. It was definitely a learning experience. We had no idea what to expect and we were unclear as to what the project guidelines were and so she left with one of only 3 red ribbons that were given out (the lowest scoring projects of the day) but she knows what to do for next time. Her project ended up being more of a science fair type project and I think that hurt her score a bit. Anyway, here are the pictures of her working on the project and the display at the expo. It was a good experience for her.

January 14, 2012

Birthday Gifts

Marah created a little treasure map to help Daddy find his birthday gift that she made for her. He had fun playing along with her game. And the gift? A homemade version of the story of Snow White and the Seven "Dwarfs." Jenna gave him a painting that she had planned to sell but decided to let him have it. ;)

Sorry about the bad quality of these photos. I am too lazy to edit them and my camera is just getting worse and worse I think.

"Is this my present?"
"Dad! Oh my gosh!"

"Dad!! *laughing* No!"

He finally found it!
"Did you wrap this all by yourself?"
"Wow! You are getting as good as mom!"
"I know!"

I just loved watching her watching him as he read her book.