July 9, 2012

Here, kinda

I've been absent from blogging for quite awhile now and I hate that. Truth is I've just been having a hard time. I've finally decided to start back up on Zoloft for my depression because it has just gotten out of control. I feel no desire to do anything, ever. I don't have any real interest in life at all lately and I've had to force myself to do anything that requires getting out of bed or off the couch. Bed is the worst though. I could really just sleep all day, every day. I hate it so much. I've been feeling like the worst mom in the world. I've been a terrible friend. I am so, so tired of every day being such a struggle.
Last week I had a horrible anxiety attack and was so worked up I could barely breathe. I realized that my depression was out of control again and I knew it was time to talk to my doctor about it. I have been putting it off, knowing I should do it but also being in denial. I had been doing pretty well for quite some time. There was a good two year period where I didn't need the medication. Over the last year and a half though, I have been getting progressively worse.
So I'm hoping that one more week on Zoloft will bring a marked improvement and that I will once again be able to cope with life. It's been one week on the meds so far and I feel no real improvement so hopefully it just needs more time. I hope to be back to enjoying life and blogging about it again real soon.

1 comment:

  1. Aw, Ash, I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much. The commercials about "Depression hurts" are so true. It makes you feel terrible, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It makes you believe that you're not a good mom. But you are a good mom. In fact, you're a great mom. And your kids adore you. So, you may have some bad days (and even months), but it's clear that you've still been able to make a positive impact on their lives. I love you.


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