So this is what I woke up to this morning at 6 am. I can hear Jenna screaming and calling for help and I admit, I took my time. I know that sounds terrible and part of me feels guilty cause I suppose it could have been really serious but I am used to her dramatics and pretty much figured she couldn't find any toilet paper or something else that was just as trite.
So I got up, put some pants on and walked outside my door to find Jenna (Marah at her side looking up at her with concern), holding a white towel with little red spots all over it up to her face. Jenna is freaking out and I immediately go into a frenzy and pull the towel away and grab some TP and hold it to her face. She is trying to hold her head back and I am trying to get her to hold her head normal.
The kid can't calmly have a bloody nose. I mean seriously it was like she had been shot in the face the way she was carrying on, and at 6 in the morning no less. I was so tired I couldn't stand it, and I've been sick for 5 days now and I just was not feeling great this morning. I made Eric take them too daycare today. That was a nice break. I need to thank him for that.
I have been thinking this morning, and well really quite a bit lately, about how much I appreciate Eric and I feel bad that I don't tell him that enough. Sometimes I get angry with him about work. Sometimes I feel like he misses work when he doesn't need to but then later when I really think about it I feel bad for feeing that way because I'm not him, and I think by this point I should at least be able to trust him on this. I mean, after 8 years of being married I should know that he's not going to just miss work without a good reason and yet I constantly am second guessing him.
Maybe it's cause I know that I lied about being sick to get out of school as a kid. Maybe it's because my mom never believed me (not that I don't understand why) when I said I was sick and couldn't go to school. I don't know, but I just always think he's faking it. Of course, he is a man so he's a major baby about some things that I just want to say "Suck it up and get over it already" to him... and sometimes I do. Really though, I think by now he has proven that he CAN hold down a job and he CAN be responsible. Sure, he's not perfect, but I believe that he tries, and I know that sometimes he goes to work when he really is miserable and so I need to remember that when it comes to work, Eric really has grown up a lot from when we first started dating.
Sometimes it's hard to forget the past and not let it affect the way you feel in the present. It's really something I struggle with everyday, but each day God presents new ways for me to learn forgiveness and I know that I have made significant growth in that part of myself.
So this blog started with a bloody nose and ends with a lesson in forgiveness... how deliciously random. I was just reminded though of a quote from the movie "Evan Almighty", which, for all it's weird faults and misrepresentations had a really cool message. So I leave you with this, because it really resonated with me.
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"