Seven embarrassing moments I'd rather forget but decided, instead, to share them with you and permanently etch them into this world wide thingamajig.
* When I was in 5th grade I sat at the back of the class at a small table that faced the back wall with my friend/love interest, Gary Byrd. It was just the two of us back there in our little cozy corner and I thought he was the bees knees. Truly. One day we were working quietly and I snarted (you know, sneeze/farted) and believe me, the fart part was quite bellowing. There. We're starting simple. We'll work our way up guys, trust me.
* When I was in first grade I peed my pants. I peed my pants while I was sitting in my chair. However, I didn't pee them on accident. No. I very purposefully took off my zippered sweater with the cute rainbow stripes, sat on it, then proceeded to pee on it. I do not remember what I did with the sweater after this. I only remember that the very important thing that I did not want to miss out on by walking to the bathroom was arts and crafts. Yep. Always the crafty chick.
* When I was in high school my best friend, Stephanie, was going to head to the mall with me. I remember my Grandma was visiting at the time. I took my shower and got dressed to go out, putting on the same jeans that I was wearing before my shower (yeah, I recycle my jeans, get over it). After talking to my mom and grandma, Stephanie and I turned to leave and my grandma says "What's that hanging out of your pants?" I turn and look and my dirty underwears are hanging out the pants leg. Classy, I know. At least she saw them before I got to the mall.
* When I was 8 years old I was visiting my grandparents in Louisiana and my aunt and uncle took me on a camping trip with my cousins. The first few moments we were there a couple of jerky kids decided to dump sandy water all over me. I had sand in my hair for over a week. But that's not the embarrassing part. No, that I did all on my own.
The next morning we headed to a local flea market and I was going to wear my baggy, oversized t-shirt with some shorts underneath. Of course, you couldn't actually see the shorts, but that was okay. Except that while we were making our way to the flea market I realized that I was not wearing any shorts. Nope. Just my underwears and a big ol' t-shirt.
You'd think I learned a valuable lesson from that, but apparently I enjoyed going without essential articles of clothing and so in 5th grade, I was climbing the jungle gym and heard below "You're not wearing any pants!" I, of course, was indignant, shouting back "I'm wearing tights! My mom said that was okay!" So my outfit of choice that day? A Coca-Cola t-shirt and some red tights. Brilliant.
Not satisfied with going pantsless, one day I had no clean shirts and so decided that wearing a jacket with no shirt underneath would be okay so long as I kept the jacket on all day. I was a bit warm, but that was okay... until recess when a friend brought her hamster out to the play yard for us to play with and the hamster decided to climb down my jacket right as the recess bell rang. My friend hastily jerked my jacket zipper all the way down as I shrieked with embarrassment, threw the hamster at her, ripped the zipper back up and ran to class.
* When I was in high school I used a toilet seat cover to protect my rear end from germs. I then stood up, tucked the seat cover into my pants, and walked to my usual lunch spot. There I popped a squat, felt/heard the crinkle of the cover, touched my backside and removed the seat cover in front of my friends without realizing what it was until I had it right in front of my face. Not my finest moment.
* When I was in junior high I had a huge crush on this boy named Richard. As with most of my crushes I thought that he was The One and I fondly imagined our wedding day and future babies with what can only be described as borderline psychotic/obsessive glee. We walked home from school together. I swooned over his bedroom with the teal and purple sponge painted walls.
Then, the moment I never believed would happen happened. He asked me to be his girl friend.
Forget the fact that I was moving hundreds of miles away in a couple of weeks, that was of no concern to us. I mean, we were in love. What is distance when matched with love? It was a few days later when his ex-girlfriend walked by me and muttered under her breath that Richard was only appeasing me to get me off his back until I moved away. Of course, I refused to believe this. A couple of weeks later, when I was living in Cupertino, I walked to a pay phone (a pay phone, really!) and spent about $2 in quarters to make a one minute phone call which went something like this.
"hey, it's me."
"Um, no, Ashley."
"Did you get my letter I sent?"
"Ok... did you write back?"
"Well... I have to go."
"Um, okay. I miss you."
And that was that.
* However, my most embarrassing moment. So embarrassing that I cannot even believe I'm sharing it but part of me feels like it would be good to get this off my chest. In high school (yes, high school) I stole stickers. However, that's not even the worst part. Read on. I stole stickers. I did not have any grand ideas for the use of these stickers yet I felt they were worthy of my thievery. The worst part of this is not that I got caught (though that part was certainly not fun). No, the worst part of this is that while I was in high school, I stole stickers from one of my closest friends. In her room. While she was in the bathroom. She caught me when a sheet of them fell out of my shirt.
Now excuse me while I retreat to the far recesses of my home and cover my head in shame. Not sure why I shared these little tidbits of horror with you, but hopefully you'll share some embarrassing moments with me so that I feel a little better :)
Now, I'm tagging seven people and hopefully they'll come up with their own bloggy list of embarrassment for our voyeuristic entertainment!
- Ryan (dude, draw them. Cause that'd be sweeeet.)
- Elizabeth M
- Mandy (Amanda) L.
- Mom (get back to blogging!)
- Maegan B
- Brittany F
- Erin V