Time out

I took a time out yesterday. I needed one. Just a little time to get away. I didn't do anything really special, just browsed Old Navy and Michaels, constantly pulling things off the shelves then walking back through the store later, returning them to their rightful places. I do that quite often- talk myself out of purchases. I knew we didn't have the money for anything. I did find a pair of khakis for Jenna that were only $3.50 so I couldn't pass that up! At Michaels I picked up a few paints that were on sale because I want to work on painting the girls dollhouse with them. I can't wait to start making their plain dollhouse look pretty! I ended it all with a trip to the clinic for my birth control shot! Woo hoo! It's really not bad, I just like to make a big deal :)

Came home to this little handsome boy playing so nicely on his blanket-











Took the kids out for a bike/stroller ride in the late afternoon. I had to walk because we haven't been able to buy a helmet for Alex yet (I want to ride with him in my bike carrier). It really works out better this way for now anyway because Marah would ride too slow to keep up with all of us. I wish I had a bike trailer, then I could stick the two in there! Marah does ride her trike pretty fast though!












I let Marah handle the camera (something that always makes me nervous) to take my picture and she did a pretty good job.



Then we stopped at a playground and Alex got to sit outside in the sunshine for the first time this year! (It's been a miserable spring)



I think he enjoyed it :) It really is so nice to be able to have everyone go do stuff together. I love spending time together, even when it's just something simple. Poor Eric has been having a bad reaction to the sun this summer, though, so we need to figure out how to handle that. Hopefully using sunscreen will solve the problem. The last thing I want is for him to not be able to come outside with us this summer.

Seems that he is finally feeling better. He seems better everyday. We finally got his medication issues worked out and things are starting to look positive. Please keep praying that his health continues to improve.

Tonight is Jenna's Girl Scout troops final event. We're having a family pot luck at the park so I have to get to the store today and get stuff to make a fruit salad and find something small to give the troop leaders for all they have done for the girls this year. Volunteers really are amazing!

Better go get ready to face the day! Have a lovely Wednesday!

A dream

Marah woke up this morning in a good mood (something that's rare and something I'm always thankful for) and told me first thing about the dream she had last night. Short and sweet-

"Mommy, I was dreaming that I saw my friends. We were playing and just 'bee-rax' (pretend) I have a boyfriend!" *giggle*

Silly girl. I told her that she better be pretending! There will be none of that boyfriend stuff in this house! Then I kicked her in the butt. haha

I really did kick her butt, but it was a little kick ;)

Isn't it hilarious that she says "bee-rax" instead of pretend?! I don't know where she came up with that! I know she's really saying 'relax' but for some reason she thinks it means pretend. I keep using the word pretend to let her know how it is really said, but she keeps saying bee-rax. It cracks me up!

The kids

I hope you're enjoying a lazy Sunday!

let it go

I'm trying to let things go. To stop worrying so much about how my house looks. I'm trying to remember what the most important things about raising children are. While I'd love to have a pretty home with a place for everything, and everything in it's place, it's just not realistic right now. I have three kids. They are home all day, everyday! And I have come to realize that having a clean house takes so much of my time and energy that I don't have enough leftover for the truly important things.

playing
laughing
reading
creating
singing
relaxing

The getting down on the floor, the lazing outside, the long bike rides, the nature walks, the discovery of life, the teaching moments, the cuddling.

Making messes is a part of being real. Of living life. Experimenting and learning.

So I'm going to try. Try hard. To just let it go. To be a more playful mother than a constantly worrying mother. The floor may need sweeping, the table may be full of drawings, paintings, play-do, and projects, going outside might mean putting the dishes off for a few hours, but at the end of the day what will really matter is how happy I've made my children.

Living in filth is not an option, but neither is living in perfection. I need to stop trying to get to that point and take more time to enjoy these precious years.



Yes, he's got a pink bib. The product of having two older sisters :)

Gratitude

First let me just point out how much I love Nichole Nordeman, and how much I love this song:

Gratitude
by Nichole Nordeman

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Beautiful. And a compelling reminder of how we should be thankful no matter the circumstance, because Jesus is always there. He will carry us through and use those difficult times to grow us and teach us and mold us into better people.

A series of interesting events took place today. The past few weeks have been very difficult, very stressful, really quite overwhelming for me due to circumstances completely beyond my control. I've been crying out to God "why?" what is the purpose of this? And yet, as I sit here typing this out, God has been revealing to me with gentle nudges the lessons He has been teaching me all along. The purpose of this part of His plan and how it relates to ME!

I won't reveal all of it, perhaps due to my own pride... something else I probably should work on in my life, but let's just leave it at- I have control issues (something I already knew reared it's head in several areas of my life, but didn't really think about how my need to be in control affected my relationship with God), and I learned quite a good lesson in humility and laziness as well.

So I've been struggling with this stress and depression the last couple of weeks and today I just had reached the end of my tether. So Eric urged me to get out of the house for a bit. I took the girls to a park while Eric stayed home with Alex and I sat at a bench and did some Bible reading while the girls played. Reading scripture always helps to ease my pain and today was no exception. So after I prayed I went off to play with the girls, enjoying the park and the time with them. I left feeling renewed (though a bit angry at the fact that someone stole Jenna's reindeer Webkinz, Sarah) and came home to find a message from Stacey reminding me that today marks 6 years since we heard the news of Aunt Carla's cancer. It's a date that I can never remember but a day that I remember quite well.

I reflected on this moment in my life with sadness and was trying to think of something to say to Stacey but my words always seem inadequate so I moved on, hoping to think of something to say later. Then I went into Alex's room to look for a teether amidst the still unpacked boxes piled in his closet. It was here that I found the DVD of Aunt Carla's memorial service. 'How fitting' I thought to myself and I went into the living room to watch it right away.

Several thoughts came to me as I was watching:

- with time the hurt has healed... a bit. Of course it still makes my heart ache to think about her untimely death, the children she left behind, the memories I have of her... so many memories, wonderful, beautiful memories. And I miss her. But yes, time has healed some of the pain and I found I was able to watch some parts with smiles where before I was in sobbing tears (the tears were still there, perched on my eyelashes, but not quite as many fell this time).

- It definitely felt like God purposefully put this DVD back into my life at this moment (it's been missing for some time) to remind me of the life I so desperately want to lead and how He works in ways that we cannot understand, but He knows what He is doing and we can take comfort in that even when it feels like there is no hope at all. Now, the trials I'm facing right now come nowhere near the trials that cancer brings, both to the victim and their family, but it is a trial, nonetheless, and it has been tough and sometimes seems hopeless, so this brought a lot of comfort to me.

- I was, once again, reminded of how amazing my family is. Hearing the words of my Uncle Pat, the beautiful voices of my Aunt Kathi and my cousins, remembering what a remarkable woman of God my Aunt Carla was, the slide show I know my mom agonized over, wanting it to be perfect, the talent of my family, the love in my family, the spirit of my family, the FAITH of my family. I come from good people. I love my family so very much. I love all of them, the ones I see everyday and those I haven't seen in years. My connection to these people is important to me. I cherish it and I'm so thankful to our amazing God for letting me be a part of it.

- Anna pretty much has the voice of an angel. I love that girls voice. It brings me joy and I can only imagine how much more joy it brought her mom. Just had to say that :)

- I have a responsibility and it is important. My job, here on earth, is important. Sometimes I forget this. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing so much more. And, yes, sometimes I can do more. Somedays I neglect the housework, somedays I don't spend as much time with my kids as I could/should, and I know that I can work harder to be a better wife and mother and servant of the Lord, but I am learning that that is good enough. That is what I meant to do. I have agonized over what my "calling" is in life. When my Uncle Pat has told me so many times, here on this blog, that maybe my calling is what I'm doing. What I am doing is important and wonderful and can bring glory to God and be a blessing to my family. I'm not saying that pursuing other interests is unacceptable, I'm just saying that I am learning to be okay with where I am right now and stop worrying that it's not good enough.

So I'm going to try, very hard, to not worry so much about our current circumstances but trust that God knows what He's doing. I've already learned so much about myself because of this situation and I'm open to learning more, even if it hurts.

If you stuck with me through all this, thanks :) much love to you!

Energy

I have been finding that by doing the following three things, my energy level has greatly improved.

1. Getting to bed by 10:30
2. Exercising daily
3. Eating less junk

Okay, sure, I already knew this would probably happen if I took better care of myself... but experiencing it has been nice. Very nice. I don't feel the need for naps as much as I did before (though, I won't lie, a nap is always nice), and I've been figuring out which foods keep me feeling full longer which helps a lot with eating less.

I had been doing Weight Watchers online for about 3 weeks, lost 10 lbs and then... stopped. I hate that I keep doing that. I keep finding these amazing, wonderful, delicious, buttery, yummmmmmmy recipes that I just HAVE to make and then I make them again, and again, and again, and I can't stop eating them!

Last week I stayed in Thief River Falls with my in-laws and got to visit several friends who I hadn't spent time with in many months. It was a great time, despite the sick baby who was missing home clinging to me every second. While I was at my friend, Elizabeth's house I saw her Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred dvd, I anxiously asked to borrow it. I had heard of it from several online friends and knew it was tough and only 20 minutes. I thought, hey I can do 20 minutes... famous last words LOL

Really, though, it is TOUGH! My biggest issue is actually with my feet. I don't know if I just have bad feet or if I need better shoes, but oh man, my feet HURT when I did the cardio stuff, especially the jump rope part. I thought my legs would fall apart in pieces the first time I did the dvd. My hands were literally shaking so bad for a good hour afterward that I could hardly type. I thought my heart would never settle down.

But it did. Yes, the next morning I could barely get out of bed. Everytime I got off the couch I cringed and braced myself for the pain! But I did the workout again on day 2. AND I went for a 45 minute, fast paced walk that same evening, talking to myself the entire time, motivating myself, just putting powerful, positive thoughts into my head.

I haven't done the workout every day. I have skipped two days in a week, but those days I made sure to do something, even if it was just for 10 minutes, incorporating little bits of that video into my day when I had a moment. Jumping jacks here, push ups there, some crunches. Anything to get my body moving.

Today I did my 5th day of Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred and I felt so great afterward! My feet still hurt and those darn jump ropes are still the toughest part for me (push ups are pretty rough too), but I'm getting better each time and my endurance is improving every day.

If only I hadn't gained back most of those 10 lbs that I lost a couple of months ago... oh well. Anyway, I have lost 6 lbs since Monday so I'll just focus on that and forget about what I gained back :) I've got people helping me stay focused on my goal and keeping me accountable and that is something I really needed.

Anyway, on to other things. I know I'm a bit wordy! :)
Yesterday the kids learned about splatter painting and Jackson Pollock. Even Alex got in on the fun.

click the image to see a larger version.








They made some cute little paintings that we hung up on our walls. The walls are becoming full of colorful paintings, just how I like them :)

Well I've got stuff to do so I'll sign off now. Have a lovely day!

yep, yep

I am fully aware that May is quickly approaching and I still have my Christmas clothes on. It's like the year my parents left the lights on the house for a whole year and by the time Christmas rolled around again, they were glowing in lovely new shades of pastel. :)

Off to make Cheesy Corn Casserole in my disaster of a kitchen. sigh...

Winter dragging on too long blues

Yes, winter has dragged on far too long. we still have snow in our yard and I'm ready for it to be gone already! By the time the snow melts I feel like it will be summer. We'll pretty much miss spring altogether. Ah, the joys of living in northern Minnesota. That's why it's cheap! :)

I'm sure the nicer weather, once it comes, will bring with it motivation to get more accomplished each day. I have been keeping up with pictures and videos I just haven't done anything with them yet. Since I've been without Photoshop for quite sometime I haven't done any editing. Finally got that problem solved so I can start getting those pictures up here soon.

Today I finally got Alex's 6 month pictures shot. I didn't get many good ones, he's so antsy right now, just learning how to sit up alone which makes him wobbly. I did get this one though. I have been trying to edit it but having a hard time. I like the black and white, but whatever I'm doing to it is making it look dull or something. I don't know how to fix it. If anyone is interested in trying something with it, let me know and I'll send you the color version to fool with.

But here is the one I did. He sure is cute and growing so fast! The little dimple in his chin is definitely becoming more aparent.



Alright, now he's mad. I better go take care of him. :)